Red Lipstick and High Heels
by JacqueSherlock
Summary: Lydia's getting tired of being seen as the weak one, so she changes. WARNINGS: Self-harm, death, (no major) angst.
1. Chapter 1

**I have no idea what this is, it just popped into my head after I watched a few fanmade videos of Lydia. I haven't seen that much of the show but so far it's good. **

**Warning(s): AU! SELF-HARM, SUICIDE ATTEMT (not in this chapter but maybe in the future), ANGST, SO MANY FEELINGS**

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><p>Lydia was standing in front of her mirror, tears streaming down her face, she had just gotten off the phone with her mother.<p>

-Lydia, sweetie, I have some things to take care of so I'll be back in a few weeks.

-But mom you're always away, what could be so important that you can't even stay home for more than a week?

-Lydia, just stop it, alright. I'll be home in a while, bye.

-Bye mom, love you.

And then the call had ended, not even a "love you too" or a "see ya sweetie", just a formal bye. She remained in front of her mirror for a while before she decided to strip off her clothes. She now stood in front of her floor lenght mirror naked.

There were so many things she didn't like, like how her stomach wasn't as flat as she'd like it. How she didn't have a thigh gap like her best friend Allison.

How her boobs weren't perfect and how her shoulders were too broad, but her main focus was on the scars, the scars that littered her body.

They were everywhere, her thighs were full of them, horizontal and vertical lines covered her thighs, her stomach, her arms, her hips.

Some were deep and left a purple mark, others were just white thin lines. She hated them, they were the worst part of her but she couldn't do anything about them now.

It was a little too late for that.

Suddenly her phone started ringing and she was scrabmbling for something to put on, she threw an oversized t-shirt on and answered the phone.

-Hello.

-Hi Lydia, it's Allison, they guys found something, how fast can you get to Deaton's? Of course the gang would need her just when all she wanted was some time to relax.

-Give me half an hour. And after that she hung up.

"Of course something supernatural has to happen just when I want to relax" she spoke out loud, she threw on a long sleeved shirt and a pair of sweats. _I've looked worse._

She grabbed her phone and her keys from the table, "bye" she whispered to her nonpresent mom and then she was off.

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><p>As she arrived at Deaton's everyone was already there and they turned around as soon as she stepped inside. They were staring at her for a while so she decided to break the awkward staring contest, "what? am I really that ugly?" she said and they all seemed to wake up from whatever trance they were in.<p>

"No it's just... you _never _wear sweats, like _ever" _Allison said and she rolled her eyes, "well I'm sorry that I was too tired to put on a ton of make up and pretty clothes" she snapped.

She saw Allison flinch at her tone and she imediatly felt bad but said nothing.

"So why am I here?" she asked and Derek jumped straight into buisness.

"One of the deputies were attacked, we found animal hair on him but we can't identify it, and he didn't see the creature."

"Again, why am _I _here?" Lydia asked and Derek looked taken aback by her cold tone.

"They were wondering if you could use your banshee powers on the hair to see if you see anyhting" Peter said from the back of the room.

"And this couldn't wait til tomorrow?" Lydia snapped and put her hands on her hips, "Lydia the guy almost died, my father could have died, what is wrong with you today?" Stiles said and Lydia laughed a cold laugh that would make anyone flinch.

"You're right, I'm being a bitch, and I'm sorry but it's been a long day and I just wanna go home and get a good nigh't sleep but since your father could have died I guess I'll do it" Lydia said, using as much sarcasm as possible.

And if the other's noticed, they didn't mention it.

Scott came up to her with a glass jar filled with one hair, she took the jar from him and walked over to the table in the middle of the room.

Slowly she lifted the lid on the jar and took the hair out, she could feel all the eyes in the room on her and she suddenly felt self conscious.

She focused on holding the hair and then she closed her eyes, it was like everything stopped.

At first everything was black, she couldn't see a thing, but then she saw it. It was a human, but something was wrong.

"Hello" she said and he gave a little whine and took a step closer, he's eyes were white.

"Hello, I see they used you little banshee, you know the only reason they keep you around is because you find bodies and can see things like this. If you weren't a banshee none of them would keep you around, maybe Allison, but she would be too busy with Scott to notice you. You're all alone and the scars that litter you body..."

From the others perpective she looked like she was about to cry and they had no ide what was going on, "Lydia?" Scott took a step forward and she made no move to back up.

She let a few tears drop and waited for the man to continue, "you deserve them" he whispered and she let out a sob.

She was brought back to reality with a gasp and she dropped the hair on the ground, everyone was looking at her but she couldn't consentrate on them.

They were all waiting for her to say something but she remained silent, she lowered her head and looked away in shame. They were probably judging her, thinking that she was so annoying.

"Lydia what happened?" Derek asked but she remained silent. "Lydia?" he said once more and she looked up.

"It looks like a man, it was dark and I couldn't see much but his eyes were white" she said and then looked away. "Lydia why are you crying?" Allison asked and just then did she notice the tears dripping down her face.

"Oh, it's nothing, I just got scared. It's nothing really, so now that you got what you wanted I'm gonna go home and relax. Bye" she said and then she was out.

"Something happened," Allison said, "she saw something or heard something that she's not telling us about."

The others agreed, "but why wouldn't she say anything, does she think she can't trust us?" Kira questioned.

The others shrugged but they were all wondering what was wrong, "well it's getting late and I don't want my dad worrying so I gotta go" Stiles said and the rest slowly left after him.

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><p>At home Lydia was sitting on her bed with a blade in her hand, "one can't hurt" she whispred and slowly dragged the blade across her arm.<p>

At first it hurt but then that pleasant stinging feeling came and she was dragged into pure bliss, but it ended too soon and she wanted more. She dragged it across her arm again, and again and again until her whole arm was covered in deep cuts and the blood was dripping down on her lap.

She bandaged her arm up, not even caring enough to disinfect it, and took her sweats off. She threw them in her laundry basket and changed into her pyjamas.

There was no use crawling into bed because she wouldn't be able to sleep even if she tried, so instead she grabbed her laptop and and placed herself ontop of the covers and started writing her essay due to four weeks ahead.

Meanwhile Stiles was at home in his bed thinking about the day, no matter what happened he would try to figure out what was wrong with Lydia.

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><p><strong>I don't know what this is but tell me if you like it. Review please.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

Third POV

It was Monday and Lydia was sitting in front of the mirror trying to figure out what today's look was gonna be. She had been away from school for three weeks, she had about a gazillion missed calls from Stiles and Allison. But she had been busy the past few weeks, she had been out of town training with her former army cousin, army was his cover story, he was actually a hunter.

He had been surprise when she called asking if he could teach her how to shoot but when she explained how many people that had died during the past few months in Beacon Hills he agreed, he taught her how to defend herself.

She had been ignoring everyone's phone calls during those weeks, she was too tired to listen to Stiles rant about her being so stupid and such a bitch to everyone, cause the way she had snapped at Allison was still stuck in her head. Allison was her friend, or so she believed, so why had she been so mean?

The fresh wounds on her body were punishment for that day, and among other things but mostly that. She had a few missed call from Kira, and three from Scott. Derek had even tried once but clearly given up.

They didn't care, not about her, only the new case and what creature it was. Why couldn't they understand that she needed her friends and not her werewolves, hunters, kitsunes and other things?

She missed being normal, she missed being queen bee and the girlfriend of the hottest guy in school. Not because she wanted to be seen as the dumb strawberry blonde girl, but because back then she didn't find dead bodies on a dayli basis.

She missed being a normal teenager, when she worried about her outfits and passing test, where she didn't have to think out worst case scenarios as soon as one person of their little 'pack' didn't show up.

Life was so much easier back then, and if she could go back in time and change it all she would, but banshees predict death and find bodies, they don't travel in time.

School was still okay, being Lydia Martin it didn't matter how many days of absence she had, she would get a full pot on her tests and all her homework would be in two day before due. But her mental health was falling behind, there's only so much a person can take.

And Lydia was reaching her breaking point.

She had never been the praying type, but as they say, there are no non believers in war. And this was war, people were dying everyday, and at this point she was ready to try anything, and believe in anything.

Even if that included a man in the sky, who supposingly created the humans and everything else.

The clock on the wall read 6.00 am and Lydia was already done. All she had to do now was wait two hours until school started. She decided to make some tea, tea always calmed her down.

Maybe it was the warmth or maybe it was the comfort of the vanilla smell in the air, vanilla was her favorite.

The pack saw her as vulnerable, and maybe she was, but even as her nail polish was drying she could still pull a trigger. She was weak, and she knew it, and they knew it. She was weak on the inside but on the outside she could still be tough.

And that's why she was now sitting in her kitchen with a cup of tea in her hands and all black clothes on. Her skin-tight jeans were black and her shirt and jacket were too. Only a few details were still Lydia, the red lipstick and the high heels.

Her hair was down in her loose curls and her eyes were surrounded by black, she looked invincible, she looked like she knew what she was doing and she looked sexy.

The last one was the most important, she was still Lydia Martin, just new and improved.

Her phone rang and she checked the caller ID, Stiles, what a surprise.

-Hello, Lydia said.

-Hi. He seemed surprised since this was the first time they had talked in three weeks. It's Stiles, I was just wondering if you needed a ride to school?

Her eyes glared at the chair in front of her and her grip on the phone tightened. After what happened with the guy with white eyes they had been extra careful around her, like she was gonna break down crying any second. In their eyes she was weak, but she wasn't gonna show that anymore, weakness was to be kept inside, not out in the open where anyone could do anything with it. Her cousin taught her that.

-No Stiles, I don't know if you remember but I have my own car, where the doors aren't about to fall off because it's not from the 70s so no thanks, I think I'm good.

She hung up and she felt strong, not because she got the last word but because she had managed a full sentence without her voice breaking.

She finished off her tea and grabbed her stuff, today she was introducing a new Lydia Martin, a stronger and more powerful Lydia Martin.

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><p>She arrived at school in her very fancy black and sleek car, it earned a few jealous looks and Lydia saw that as a victory. She wondered what her friends were gonna think about her new style, would they like it? or would they laugh at her for trying to be strong? She didn't know and frankly, she didn't care, cause she was stronger now, she didn't depend on them anymore.<p>

She stepped out and could hear almost everyone release a gasp, she smirked. This day was already going well, she grabbed her stuff and closed the door.

She entered the school with grace and almost every head in school turned to her, she could see her friends at the end of the corridor gawking. She waved slightly and stopped at her locker, she grabbed her books for math and made her way to the classroom, the gazes of her friends burning at the back of her head.

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><p>After school they walked up to her just as she was getting into her car, "there's a pack meeting now, you should come" Stiles spoke up from behind the rest of them and even though he tried to say it casually she could hear the plead in his voice, Malia did not look happy about that.<p>

"I'll be there in ten, now excuse me" she got in her car and raced away like a jet, leaving her friends at the parking lot.

She drove to Derek's place and walked inside, Derek was standing in front of the big window gazing out and looking all dramatic."You came."

"Well I felt bad to leave you hanging so yes, I came" she spoke up and he turned around, "you look different."

"I'll take that as a compliment" she sat down on the little couch and took out her phone, "when's the rest coming?" she asked without looking up.

"Already here Lydia" Allison's voice sounded and she looked up, "well hello."

All of them looked extremely uncomfortable and she found this amusing, "is anyone gonna say anything or...?" she questioned and Malia looked up.

"You've changed" she said and Lydia found this hilarious and so she laughed.

"Well sweetheart, there's a 95% chance the person just stopped acting. So maybe, I haven't changed, maybe I've just chosen not to show this side, until now that is" she finished off with a smile.

"And what side is this, Lydia?" Stiles questioned, arms crossed over his chest, "the no-longer-helpless-little-girl-in-little-skirts-and-dresses-side, if you don't like it then just say so and I'll move. Beacon Hills is getting boring anyway."

All of them looked shocked, "people are dying Lydia! How can you find that boring?" Stiles yelled.

"Well Stiles I'm sorry to burst your little nerdy-teenager bubble but this ain't rainbow land, people die everyday and you can't expect us to save every last one of them! I'm not saying I don't care, I'm just saying that I'm the one that finds the bodies not you, and since I was once the most popular girl in the whole town I know everyone. The faces of the dead are still in my head, haunting me because I knew them. So I'm sorry that I said this town's getting boring but I'm tired of seeing people I once knew dead!"

Malia growled at her for screaming at Stiles and she laughed which seemed to confuse the girl, "control your puppy Stiles, she can borrow Prada's leash if she won't stay still" she taunted and Malia ran forward knocking Lydia off her feet.

Lydia grabbed the bag with wolfsbane from her pocket and pressed in into the girls skin, she screamed and backed off.

Lydia put the little bag back, "now look at my hair, all messed up. Next time, keep the doggy under control or bring some candy, work every time on Prada."

"Where the hell did you get wolfsbane?!" Allison shrieked, "I have...connections" she replied.

"Connections? Who would that be? All you have is your mom!" now that stung and Allison realized that too little too late because Lydia was on her in a second wrestling her down on to the ground.

"Now Allison don't be mean, do you really think that my mom and all of you are the only people I've got? Like I said, I was once a very popular girl, I got to meet a lot of people, I probably have more people in my contact list than all of you have met together," she released Allison from her grip and grabbed her bag off the couch.

"I gotta go now, promised someone I'd meet them, and if you even try to follow me, I'll know" and with that she was gone, leaving her friends to think about what just happened.

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><p><strong>Okay so, I have no idea what happened, I haven't read through this so all mistakes are on me. I just wanted to update so... yeah :)<strong>


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